in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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