I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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