Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
