my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
