My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
