Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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