who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
