i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
