The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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