i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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