it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
40s are totally the cure
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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