i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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