Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
