cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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