This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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