they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
