You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
