hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
