i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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