I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
