Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
