Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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