I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
