I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
