My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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