I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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