her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
