and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
