Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
