i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
