I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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