gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
where are my eyebrows?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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