Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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