No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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