so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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