and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
