Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
