Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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