your parents love me but you hate me
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
