He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
