i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
