im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I forget how to act sober
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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