I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Please don't give away my fajitas
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
