you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
