Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
