I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
