that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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