before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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