If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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