my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
