she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
