I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
