Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
