And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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