i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
