he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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