sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
