i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The air was thick with penises
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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