I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
